Am I jacked into CyberSpace or am I really in Hell ?

Date: Jul 10 1990

ok, I've finally figured out whats going on around here. I realized it when I had this dream and I asked my brother, who was lying on a stretcher in a makeshift hospital in a underground tunnel: 'Hey Bro, like uh, where am I?'. And he points to another stretcher, and there I am. I guess I got blown up real good. So I think I'm jacked into CyberSpace, and this Switzerland construct has been designed solely to drive me mad. Realizing this, it will be much harder for them to drive me batty. Anyway, since none of this exists, or at least most of it, I can say or do anything I want. I think it's the electronic equivalent of 'The Prisoner'. I wonder how Patrick McGoohan would do here...

So, I've decided to fight back. I get up at about 4am just before the Swiss constructs do, on garbage day, and sneak out and switch neighbors fictitious garbage and then I hide in the computer generated bushes. Then they come out, see that their neighbor has stolen their garbage and run across the street to steal it back in time for the garbage truck to come take it away. Then the street is full of these 80 year old Swiss female constructs hitting each other with umbrellas. heh heh heh. I hope Patrick would approve.

I don't think my secretary has noticed the minor changes I made to her boring business cards yet.

I got a new hobby. When I was last in Canada, I noticed that there are few cigarette butts. Here there are billions. So I'm collecting them. I've got a few billion crammed into old computer boxes hidden in a computer storeroom. I figure in a few years they will be non-existent in Canada, and then I'll be rich.

Some people think it must be nice to see all the Porsches around here. Yawn... There are billions of them. In fact, I will glance at a Ferrari going by, but they aren't all that scarce either. However, I did see a 512 Berlinetta Boxer the other day. I thought I would never see one in real life. It was beautiful. You see the occasional Lambourgini Countach.

I have this Swiss female friend, a doctor of math here. She's a real rebel. She put pictures on her wall! She's been told to take them down.

They came around one day to take stupid pictures of people for publishing in a stupid book around here. They wouldn't take one of me with my Goofy hat on that I got from Disneyland, uh, I mean the USENIX conference, in Anaheim last month. I'm probably the only person alive that looks more goofy without a Goofy hat on.

There's an expression in German, I don't know whether it's Swiss or German, that few people are supposed to know, that means it was a really great party. It's 'dancing with open trousers' (something like 'Tanzen mit offnener Hose' - except I know I've butchered it). Must be German. There are no parties in Switzerland. Actually, an American friend of mine here had one. He's being evicted because of it.

Terry Jones sent me a postcard from Spain. He says 'Keep out of Strong Sunlight'. He will probably pedal through here again in August. Then I think he swims to America to attempt the Phd thing again at Indiana U.

Running out of real important stuff to say. Guess I'll go wash my hair.